5 Lessons from Grandma that could make you $66 million dollars

What’s up Snot Rockets!  Today I’m going to share with you 5 Lessons from Grandma that could make you $66,000,000.  That’s right, 66 million!

But first, let me introduce myself.  My name is John Madden and this is my blog.  This website is actually called Nine of Spades because it was the Nine of Spades that saved my Grandfather’s life [Read the story here].  But we’re not here to talk about him today.

Meet his wife, my grandmother, my mother’s mother, Florence Corcoran.  Flo, as most called her, always had advice to give.  For example, anytime she would catch one of us grandchildren (there were 23 of us) sitting on the table she would say “that’s for glasses, not for asses” and then make us get off.  I remember her teaching me to roll my clothes instead of folding them so that I could have more room in my luggage.  I also remember the countless home remedies that she had.  Like one time I had water in my ear so she took one of my grandfather’s socks, filled it with salt, put it in the microwave, and then made me lay with my ear facing down on it.  I’ll be damned if I didn’t have any water in my ear after a few minutes.

That’s just the type of person she was.  She always had an answer for you and she wasn’t afraid to offer advice.  She was a mother of 10 children and a true Matriarch.  In fact, 8 out of her 10 children became very successful entrepreneurs.  One of them, went on to sell a business for $66,000,000 in 2001.

You may know her daughter, my aunt, Barbara, from ABC’s hit show, The Shark Tank.  [Insert name droppings here]

What you may not know is Barbara wrote a book called If you don’t have big breasts, put ribbons on your pigtails & other lessons I learned from my mom.  Yes, that is actual advice that my grandmother gave my aunt and she was full of that kind of stuff.  I definitely recommend reading that book because those are the real lessons from grandma that could make you $66 million dollars.

However, I still want to share what my grandmother taught me.  Although, these tips may not have made me my millions just yet, I do believe that I am on my way, and her advice still lives in me to this day.

5 Lessons from Grandma

#1 Dress to Impress

A few days after I finished college my grandmother told me that we needed to go shopping.  Of course you can’t say no to Grandma, but I had to ask “why?”.  She said, “you’re about to enter the real world and you better stop looking like a Slouch.  We’re going to buy you a suit today!”.  So that’s what we did.  Grandma and I went to the mall, she helped me pick out a suit (which to this day is the best suit I’ve ever owned).  Unfortunately it doesn’t fit anymore, but it was a very nice suit.  On the way home from the mall she explained to me that if I wanted to be successful I needed to dress the part.  She said “people will only take you as serious as you take yourself”.  She was right.  I went to my first job interview shortly after that and got it.  The boss interviewing me even said “nice suit”.  Who would’ve thought Grandma had style?

#2 Learn the Skills of the Trade

Although my grandmother was 127 years old (at least it seemed that way sometimes) she was still up to date.  She knew and realized that computers were the new thing to be involved in.  When I was a junior in high school she asked me “If computers are so important now-a-days, don’t you think you should know how to type?”.  I never thought about that.  Of course I knew computers were important, but I was just happy that I could IM the hottest chick in school even though it took me a minute and a half to “hunt and peck” the most appropriate [I got game] sentence.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that the internet (and computers) were going to rule the world!  Shit, how do you think I’m here writing to you?  My grandmother suggested to me that I should take some training to type and that’s exactly what I did.  I was fortunate to find a great typing teacher and even got so good that I was able to type 80 words a minute at my best!  Now, when I create websites, creating content is the easy part because I can type as fast as my brain thinks!

#3 Be Competitive

My grandmother taught me to be competitive.  As a former professional baseball player, this came in helpful when I was playing.  It still comes in helpful to this day because I believe that competition promotes growth.  And I am VERY competitive.  My grandmother and I used to compete in two events, arm wrestling and ping pong.  Believe it or not, when my grandmother was 80 years old, she could beat me at both!  And she wouldn’t just let it go, she would rub it in.  No joke!  She really beat me!  I didn’t let her.  At 80 years old she was still capable of beating a young (20 something at the time) stud!  She was still strong through her 90s.

#4 Breathe Deep

Grandma used to teach us at a very young age to breathe deep.  I didn’t realize the significance of this until I was much older.  But she used to have us grandchildren do this thing called “Deeper” where we would breathe as deep as we could and she would start counting backwards from 100.  By about 90 or so I always passed out and fell asleep.  But she made us master the art of breathing.  And if any of you know anything about life you will know that breath is one of the most important factors of life and performance.  I’m not sure if she knew this, but she sure made us do this on a consistent basis.

#5 Stand up Straight

Grandma used to hit me in the back if she saw me slouching.  Guess what I never did around Grandma?  SLOUCH!  She taught me how important standing straight was with good posture.  I’ve recently learned how important Thoracic Extension is in our lives, but Grandma was teaching this shit back in the day, since I was a little Git.  She would always say “Stand up straight.  How can you stand up for anything if your can’t stand up for anything”.  Thinking back on it, she was ahead of her time.  A trailblazer.  I wonder what she could have done if she grew up in this day and age.  I guarantee one thing…she would have great posture!

Grandma’s 5 Lessons

I know that may not have been what you were looking for, but I promise, Grandma’s advice is priceless.  Don’t believe me?  Go read the book!  My grandmother was an amazing soul and I miss her dearly.  I wonder if blogs are available in heaven.  Hopefully she is looking down on me AND hopefully I’m not disappointing.  Although I still sit my ass on the table once in a while.  Sorry Grandma!  Love you!

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